Though while at her mother's house she avoids most calls, Cahalan does talk on the phone to a friend whose mother, a shrink, believes that Cahalan has bipolar disorder.
(Bipolar Disorder: noun; any of several psychological disorders of mood characterized usually by alternating episodes of depression and mania.)
The thought of possibly having bipolar disorder is actually comforting to Cahalan, who is relieved that she can finally put a name to what plagues her. Her mother and stepfather, however, are unconvinced and insist that Cahalan revisit neurologist Dr. Bailey. After a basic neurological exam and questions, Dr. Bailey concludes that he believes Cahalan is simply "partying too hard, not sleeping enough, and working too hard" (50). He writes her a prescription for Keppra and tells Cahalan's mother to make sure she doesn't drink.
After the visit to Dr. Bailey, Cahalan visits psychiatrist Dr. Levin. When Dr. Levin asks Cahalan why she is there, Cahalan immediately asserts that she is bipolar. Dr. Levin's field notes from Cahalan's visit:
"Said she had bipolar disorder. Hard to conclude. . . Everything is very vivid. Started in last few days. Can't concentrate. Easily distracted. Total insomnia but not tired, not eating. Has grand ideas. No hallucinations. No paranoid delusions. Always impulsive." (52)
Dr. Levin concludes that she believes Cahalan is experiencing a "mixed episode".
(Mixed episode: noun; defined by symptoms of mania and depression that occur at the same time, or in rapid sequence.)
Dr. Levin writes Cahalan a prescription for Zyprexa, which is an antipsychotic used to treat mood and thought disorders. After the psychiatrist visit, Cahalan's mother calls Cahalan's younger brother to inform him that his sister had had a seizure. After some discussion, they both conclude that they do not believe Cahalan to be an alcoholic or bipolar.
Later that same night, Cahalan has what she believes to be an "epiphany" and decides that the Keppra prescribed to her by Dr. Bailey was the cause for her "insomnia, forgetfulness, anxiety, hostility, moodiness, numbness, loss of appetite," despite the fact that she had only been on the drug for 24 hours (54). She hears a voice that demands she get the Keppra out of her body, so she forces herself to throw it up. The next day, she writes the first of many random Word documents that serve as her temporary diary through this time period and illustrate her scattered and erratic thought process:
"Basically, I'm bipolar and that's what makes me ME. I just have to get control of my life. I LOVE working. I LOVE it. I have to break up with Stephen. I can read people really well but I'm too humbly. I let work take way too much out of my life." (55)
Cahalan has another seizure.
Cahalan's thoughts and behavior become increasingly erratic and paranoid while at her mother's house, and she decides to spend a night with her father. While waiting for a taxi with her father and stepmother, Cahalan panics and insists she doesn't want to go. They get her into a taxi where she screams that she is being kidnapped. After dinner at her father's house, Cahalan experiences a series of hysterics that end with Cahalan making her father cry. When she goes to check on her father, she believe that she hears her father, in another room, mercilessly beating and then killing his wife.
The next morning, Cahalan's parents take her to the New York University Langone Medical Center where she is to be monitored for 24 hours in the epileptic unit. After getting coffee, Cahalan has another seizure. The last thing she remembers before losing consciousness is her mother yelling, "She's having a seizure!" and three doctors running toward her.
In the next month, Cahalan explains that she only remembers bits and pieces, mostly hallucinatory, from her time in the hospital. This seizure marked the point where Cahalan says she was "gone." This seizure was the beginning of her lost month of madness.
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